The urge to devote the rest of my life to researching 19th century alphabet books has almost passed

I have to say, I re-read it, like, 10 000 times to make sure I wasn’t hallucinating. I wasn’t. It’s 1888, and children in Japan are learning to read:

あの木の上に、大きなときがゐます。あれは、からすであります。・・・中略・・・からすは、いたずらなとりであります。石をなげてやりませうか。

(『尋常小学読本』、１８８８年、after 『役割語研究の地平』、金水敏)

(Translation: There is a bird on that tree. This bird is a crow (…). Crows are mischievous birds. Let’s throw a stone at the crow!)

It comes as no surprise two world wars happened shortly afterwards.

(Also, the urge to look for European alphabet books has not yet passed. If I’m lucky, I might yet have something hilarious tomorrow)

Vox Day proves that feminism will make your country flourish and prosper and a better place <3

You haven’t misread. Indeed, it is Vox Day who indeed pontificates the benefits  the society can gain if it embraces the feminist ideology. I can’t blame you if you twitch a bit, and ask yourself quietly whether this Vox Day, the defender of feminism and women’s rights, can really be the same person who wrote this:

Consider the two great laments of the modern American woman. For the unmarried woman, it is the reality that she must marry later in life than ever before, if she is able to marry at all. For the married woman, it is that unlike generations of women before her, she cannot afford to stay home with her children unless she is fortunate enough to have married to a man of the financial elite.

Both of these developments can be traced directly to women’s rights. Men’s increasing unwillingness to marry stems primarily from two causes — the feminized family court system that transformed marriage from a mutually beneficial contract into a financial and emotional liability, and the removal of paternal responsibility for the sexual behavior of young women. Ergo, the need for marriage has been eliminated while its liabilities have increased. As Blue America and de-Christianizing Europe increasingly show, in the absence of religion there is now very little impetus for marriage. (source)

or that:

I have said before that calling a feminist a feminazi is an insult to National Socialism. Now, it is clear that even Mao, Stalin and Pol Pot are second-rate killers in comparison with Ms. Sanger, Ms. Friedan and Ms. Steinem. (source)

or even this:

Since only the woman who is not entertaining the possibility of sex with a man and is subsequently raped can truly be considered a wholly innocent victim under this ethic, it is no wonder that women who insist that internal consent is the sole determining factor of a woman’s victimization find traditional Western morality to be inherently distasteful. (source)

And yet! In Why women have to vote? Vox Day points out several important reasons for why they should:

1. Although he starts his initial argument very uncertainly, by cautiously mentioning that there is very little conclusive research done on how the women’s suffrage positively influence societies, he soon gives a long list of examples where women’s suffrage and women’s rights movement did influence societies positively. In any case, we think that Vox Day, not being an expert on feminism and sociology, as painfully  evinced by the above quotations, would benefit from studying the relevant literature a bit more closely.

2. Vox Day’s subsequently indicates that countries whose governments focus on the support of the capitalist system at the cost of personal freedom of their citizens often tend to have severe restrictions on voting and political representation, also of women.

3. In his next argument, Vox Day points out that the increased liberalisation, which often follows the recognition of women as full citizens by the state, has many a time lead to a sudden change of priorities for the better, such as more restrictive gun laws in Switzerland introduced 22 years after women’s receiving suffrage, in recognition of the obvious fact that one’s right not to be more likely to be shot is more important that one’s right to own a boom stick. This was accomplished at a relatively swift pace despite Switzerland’s long tradition of private militia.

4.  To quote this short passage in its stunning perceptiveness:

The opponents of women’s suffrage have been proven correct with regards to their predictions of a) increased divorce, b) increased abortion, c) sexual promiscuity, d) increased paganism.

This means that despite many pessimistic predictions, various women’s movements throughout the last two centuries did manage to fulfill many of those movements’ demands, and that we are, despite everything, progressing towards equality for everyone, regardless of their gender, sexual orientation, race, religion and class.

(I would also prefer Vox Day not to forget that lesbians and trans* women also are and have been part of the women’s movement in a way, although I don’t want to erase their, or rather our *own* accomplishments)

It’s always very heart-warming to see the efforts of many generations of women around the world recognised by a, hopefully, former opponent.

5.  Next, Vox Day quotes John Lott (unfortunately, his website is now defunct. I’m certain I’m not the only feminist who would have liked to see his brilliant analysis of our, let’s face it, epic win):

“The two consistent results were: allowing female suffrage resulted in a more liberal tilt in congressional voting for both houses, and the extent of that shift was mirrored by the increase in turnout due to female suffrage. The effects are quite large.”

The above words refer to the US situation, so the correct re-interpretation for Europe would be “social-democratic tilt in parliament voting”; this of course means that women were smart enough to recognise that anti-feminist political parties, such as the most conservative ones, are least likely to represent their interests effectively, and voted accordingly.

6. Finally, in the last attempt at hipster irony, a stylistic choice of Vox Day I tend not to value very highly, he amusingly mentions that:

Perhaps not all women are fascists at heart, but without their votes, few fascists would ever be elected.

Some readers who are less well-read than Vox Day may misunderstand his sophisticated irony, so I’ll try to explain: Vox Day is wittily alluding to the fact that under the fascist regime in Italy women were not allowed to vote;  they receive suffrage only in 1946.

Thank you, Vox Day.

(Link to the Vox Day post was found in the comments of this post.)

Links! (Victorian sex survey, Assyrian tablets, Constance McMillen prom)

1) Victorian sex survey:

“I opened it up and there were these questionnaires”— questionnaires upon which dozens of women, most born before 1870, had inscribed their most intimate thoughts.

In other words, it was a sex survey. A Victorian sex survey. It is the earliest known study of its type, long preceding, for example, the 1947 and 1953 Kinsey Reports, whose oldest female respondents were born in the 1890s.

2) What can happen to an absolutely priceless artefact during WWII:

Within a few years, he’d pawned the tablet, along with rare coins, to purchase the liquor store, the attorney said. But he soon paid back the pawn broker and reclaimed the coins and tablet.

3) Constance McMillen thing. By now everybody surely must know what happened, so I’ll just point to the account of her school mate about the school mate’s trials and tribulations at the hands of the omnipotent attention-whoring Gay Mafia, pulled straight from the comment the cross-burning ignorant hick’s left at another blog (her name was later pulled from her public Facebook profile, and how stupid you have to be to have a public profile when there’s a bunch of data-hungry lawyers prowling the internet in search of damning evidence? The lawyers who, I hope, do have the Screengrap app). Gee, it’s JUST LIKE In the Grove:

What people are failing to realize is that much of the fault of this whole stink lies with Constance, not her mistreatment by the school district, but her crazy-reckless need for attention. It sounds mean and horrible and like we planned it all specifically to embarrass Constance, but we didn’t. We let her have her prom with her girlfriend and her tuxedo and we went to party it up in the “boondocks” not because we wanted her rights violated, but so we could salvage what has turned into a total fiasco

Well. I can think of someone who’s failing to realize things; it’s not “the people” (whoever they might be).

Also, there are some photos from the no gay, disabled,  and otherwise different folks allowed prom here (again, pulled from Facebook accounts of those involved, and  again, not very smart, I’d say. Good for Constance though).

The most spectacularly failtastic bit of fail comes with this, though:

So, I guess it’s OK for two girls to kiss, as long as they aren’t real lesbians? Very cunning. Also, a girl in the other photo is wearing JEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANS.

I mean, jeans. This is hardcore stuff, guys. Like, a step away from fully fledged lesbianism or something. I’d pray for that girl, just in case.

As usual in cases like that, a plucky internet detective uncovered the Facebook groups those people (that is Itawamba blahblah  Highschool students) belong to and unsurprisingly:

And, if you look at the facebook profiles for the “secret prom” attendees you see the same pages recurring in their profiles:

Greenville Christian School
The Charleston Baptist Congregation
Little Creek Baptist Church
“I’m Proud To Be Christian” by Aaron Chavez Religious Center
Prayer In School Religious Center
I Love Jesus Religious Center
Freedom Rally 2010 “A call to Revival”
Dedicated to Christ
Going to Church Religious Center
God id Love Religious Organization
Jesus Daily Religious Organization
I’m a Christian & I’m Proud Religious Organization
The Resolve Tour Religious Organization
ChristBuild Inc Religious Organization
Christ In Action Non-Profit

CUTE. Clearly, what they need is moar Jesus in their lives OH WAIT-

Also, I personally agree with the following comment made about the latest developments in the Constance McMillen’s prom case:

If they [people who organised the no-;esbians-allowed prom -- Sendai] keep digging that hole, they’ll soon be swimming in magma.

…

Dig faster.

I hope the original commenter will forgive me for quoting her verbatim, but I believe the comment i’s indicative of the attitude a sane person ought to preserve in face of the fail exhibited repeatedly by the Itawamba Highschool students, their parents and teachers, may a concert piano fall on their bigoted heads.

4) (I’m thinking about having a book-by-book reading orgy progress report on Twitter. Hmmm)

Women = livestock. Pie is good.

It seems a bill that will make ~*MISCARRIAGE A CRIME*~(1) is a signature away from being actual real law in Utah.

Wow. And they said Handmaid’s Tale was, like, feminist dystopian fiction.

(1) This actually needs a glittery background.

Bob the Tiny Grey Person had a mental breakdown, so it’s only me this time, sorry

Bob the Tiny Grey Person is still suffering from Acute Cognitive Dissonance after reading that:

“(…)many assumed that the election of Barack Obama was the beginning of a period of post-racialism, a time when the politics of identity had lost some of its corrosiveness.”

in an article about an article about racial issues in Vogue, which said (the second article, hurr hurr) that POC are systematically underrepresented in Vogue. As a result of that criticism:

“In fact, Joanna Douglas, the writer of the piece, received a number of the threatening e-mail messages after the post was picked up by white supremacist sites and sources at the site say that the police have been contacted and an arrest is pending.” [emphasis mine]

Do we get to have white supremacists in a post-racial period, Bob the Tiny Grey person asked no one in particular, and his mental circuits promptly rebooted themselves.

Rebooted themselves ten times.

He’s been catatonic since then.

Anyway! The brave avant-garde of the fashion industry itself themselves again in its unending pursuit of douchebaggery, edginess and equal starvation for all women:

Painting a white model black? Still blackface, still epic fail, episode 12357252

(source, with some moar faily blackface photos)

(via UFB)

ETA: added tags *facepalm*

At first I was like WTF WTF WTF but then I was like:

(for Dan <3)

Because this is about the amount of attention I believe we should give to ridiculous bigots like this one.  Specifically, I mean his laughably inane video about Rick Warren’s hidden homosexual agenda.

(The YT one is totes not available in Europe, but the one from WND should work just fine)

(Before I even start, I’d like to point out how absolutely unimpressed I am with Rick Warren’s fake claims  of concern for gay people. In fact, I’m so unimpressed I might even link to people who will explain to you why His Gay Agenda Is Pastede on Yey)

Anyway, this guy, Molotov, is, like, a real gem.  I mean, he thinks he’s funny or something. He says that people in Uganda should kill gay people because:

- Gen 9:6, Lev 20:13, Ex 22:19

BUT!

Gen 9:6 is actually the following quote:

Whoever sheds the blood of man,
by man shall his blood be shed;
for in the image of God
has God made man.

So, should we kill people who kill other people (that is to say, men)? Like, you know, the anti-gay bigots in Uganda? Ups.

Lev 20:16

‘If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They must be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads.

So, gay sex is Biblically OK as long as it’s between two (or more) women,  not men. Did the anti-gay bigots in Uganda take this into account when they drafted their bill?

I didn’t think so. Ups.

Ex 22:19

Anyone who has sexual relations with an animal must be put to death.

In as much as humans are animals too, heterosexuals are having sexual relations with animals as well. In as much as having sex with members of a different species should be forbidden, it still has nothing to do with  anti-gay bigotry. Unless you’d want to argue that homosexuality makes you a member of a different species, which, hah, wouldn’t go down very well.

Ups. Try harder,  Molotov, try harder!

- “unless there are some Biblical passages that I’ve missed”

Yes, in fact quite a few. For starters Lev 11:9-12 or Lev 19:19, darling <3

- Killing people is OK ’cause it was God who created the death penalty

BUT!

Well, I went to check out the Book of Genesis again. I expected something like:

By the seventh day God had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day he created  the death penalty, waterboarding and Superbowl commercials, and then he rested  from all his work.  And God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it he created the death penalty, waterboarding and Superbowl commercials, and  rested from all the work of creating that he had done. And then God watched Buffy.

You know, a little bit of omnipotent multitasking. I mean, I’ve normally a pretty relaxed attitude: show me a Bible verse, and I’ll laugh at you. Heartilly.

But this time? There was no quote!!!

Can you believe it?! The Bible never mentions god inventing the capital punishment and waterboarding! This must be the Liberal Bias showing, clearly.

- the USian Founding Fathers were totes for killing the gay with fire

BUT!

HURR DURR

Also, even if they were, what do they have to do with Uganda? Didn’t somebody say that Uganda is a sovereign nation around 1:55? Ups.

- Evil Homosexual king required all men in the kingdom [of Budanga] to submit to his sexual desires (wah wah wah)

BUT!

Orly? Also, what does it has to do with anything? I mean, in 1675 it came to light that the Marquise de Brinvilliers poisoned a lot of her relatives. Does it mean we should murder all French women now?

Didn’t think so, ups.

- persecuting gays is part of Ugandan culture

BUT!

Yes, ever since Xian missionaries taught people to hate the gay. Ups.

- liberuls only embrace multi-culturalism when it suits them

HURR DURR POT-KETTLE

- if they [the gays] don’t like the law, they can always leave!11!111

BUT!

Orly? Also, Molotov, princess, if you hate America with its distinct lack of legalised gay-killing, why don’t you just leave? Instead of posting spurious videos on YouTube? Ups.

- “Don’t think our Founding Fathers wouldn’t support this legislation.”

BUT!

How are they relevant? Uganda is an independent nation, after all. Also, clearly Molotov doesn’t think very often, does he?

- NOT LIEK THE NAZIS!11!!!!!

ORLY? Funny that you should mention it…

-NOT  WITCHHUNT!111!111!

ORLY:

“The term “witch-hunt” is often used by analogy to refer to panic-induced searches for perceived wrong-doers other than witches.”

-”they don’t want to kill homosexuals, they just want them to stop practicing the homosexual act”

Oh, because what two (or more) consenting adults do in the privacy of their bedrooms concerns them how? Also, gee, thanks for being so tolerant! I mean, they could kill people like me! But in their boundless generosity, they will only shower them with the Xian love beat them up a bit, ruin their lives, maybe imprison them and kill them only if they’re really obstinate about not stopping to be gay.

I cried, a little.

And the cherry on top of epic fail:

-”Like the great Dr. King told us, ‘the moral arm of the universe is long but it bends towards justice.’ Ugandans, stay on the right side of history.”

Ooooh, I get it now! This is, clearly, the right wing logic sort of thing. This is when you say that when Bush started the war in Iraq, he was just liek Gandhi, and when Hitler started killing Jewish people, he was just liek Jesus, and Ted Haggard is a completely heterosexual magical glittery unicorn.

Sleep well, my prince Molotov.

BUT WAIT! I like happy endings, therefore, have some Gay Agenda (via nameste via mrw):

Die, hipster scum, die!

Oh, I swore, I SWORE I wouldn’t blog about celebrities ever again. But. Amanda Fucking Palmer, seriously.  So ~edgy~! So ~quirky~! So ~unique~!

(Btw, I’m no fan of AFP. All I know is:

1) she was 1/2 of the Dresden Dolls duo *yaaaawn*

2) her occupation on the internets is being a bratty drama queen, and

3) she doesn’t use capitalisation DIE DIE DIE)

Anyway, AFP’s new artsy!edgy!unique! project involves ficational conjoined twins, Evelyn and Evelyn who:

(…) were born on the kansas-colorado border in 1985.
their mother died in childbirth…their parents were really poor and couldn’t afford decent healthcare.
then, to make matters worse, they also lost their father.

after that, their childhood was immensely strange. they were raised by a farmer and they had almost no social contact until the age of 6, when they wound up moving to manitoba, canada.
up in manitoba, it’s pretty certain that they were being exploited by the child porn industry.
(with my support they’re looking into possibly pressing charges. life is crazy.)

Exploited by child porn industry! So ~*crazy*~ right? Completely blew my mind, really.

The story is: 1) offensive, 2) exploitative, 3) uses some really offensive tropes, like egdy! neo-Victiorian circus freakery stuff. It should, therefore, come as no surprise that disabled people are not amused.

Also, AFP and her partner will be performing in crip drag. CRIP DRAG WTF is wrong with humanity AFP WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU SRSLY!1111.

AFP’s reaction to the lack of amusement is full of fail, persecution complex and offended edginess:

that is, the blog represents the feelings of some of those
who are disabled in some ways

though i’m glad the internet gives them a place to share and vent,
i hope they get beyond it, and have (imho) a better life

sad they haven’t realised that everyone is disabled in their own ways.
part of the human condition.
some ‘worse’ than others. (emphasis mine)

~*flounce*~ ~*flounce*~ ~*flounce*~

‘Cause we’re all part of one huge disabled family! That is also black! and gay! and AFP totes understands how it is to be disabled and all that weird stuff, guys.

Up to this point, this was like standard AFP drama. I just harrumpfed and decided to move on. Until this:

setting aside 846 emails and removing the disabled feminists from her mental periphery, @amandapalmer sat down to plan her next record.

She’s so egdy, see! SO EGDY!1111!!! Dare I say, even, hardcore?

At this point, I should think, it was  time to realise that something was wrong with ~*AFP*~ and not bloody 846 e-mails from disabled feminists? But, AFP had none of it! Not afraid of controversy and painful backlash, standing up to feminist bullies, only she had the courage to staunchly uphold the status quo by saying exactly what everybody was thinking anyway, namely, that one doesn’t have to care about disabled feminists.

(It’s, like, the Law of Dogpile: when one person disagrees with you, you can have a discussion. When a whole bunch of disabled feminists disagrees, maybe it’s time to step away from the internets and invest in a mail-order degree in self-awareness?  I mean, if Ken Ham could get one…(1))

Also, hypocrisy much?  In her original post, AFP writes:

we wanted people to hear them.

But when  real disabled people dared to speak up they were swiftly “*~removed from the mental periphery*~”. Because almost-human-beings are only useful as long as they can be exploited in order that AFP be  provided  with cheap opportunities of further self-aggrandisement. Classy, really classy.

Disabled people: only have voices when AFP and other nitwits say it’s OK.

What she reminds me of is Aya Matsuura in this song, but without any of the glittery pink cuteness of the original:

2. A hipster scumbag in Melbourne is running a social experiment in pretending to be homeless, taking away resources from people who really need them and being a class A douchebag. Also, his mum come to help defend him on the internets, which is a whole new level of fail in itself. Creme de la creme of douchebaggery:

Someone once told me that if you go without shampoo/conditioner for 3-6 weeks, your hair starts producing the relevant chemicals naturally. I was planning to use this month to see if that worked, but I completely forgot, and I wash my hair. I also use my time in the shower to remember/devise a back-story for when the questions inevitably come up.

Uh-huh.

9:20am – Someone in the comments referred to what I’m doing as a “camping holiday”, and now that I’m a bit over 30 hours in I can see what they mean. Because I don’t have any kind of substance abuse problem, or the added pressure of trying to find a job and somewhere to live, as long as I have enough money to get food, I can spend the day doing what I like.

Cute! He hasn’t got any substance abuse problems unlike the regular homeless people, see?

6:30- On a whim, I went up to a donut shop that was closing and explained that I was homeless and couldn’t remember the last time I’d had a donut. The girl behind the counter looked extremely sympathetic, but explained that they couldn’t give out donuts due to store policy. I said that I understood, and went back to doing the sudoku in the paper.

A few minutes later, she snuck over with a bag full of donuts. “Don’t tll my boss, and you can have these,” she whispered.

I was floored and thanked her profusely. I wasn’t sure what to do, but I ended up taking one and giving the rest to the homeless guy outside the station.

Classy!

If I had access to razors, a shower and a washing machine, and didn’t enjoy the internet as much as I do, I think I could easily get a part-time job and live my life like this (during the summer, at least).

Hipster scum is hipster scum QED.

At Coles I bought another loaf of bread. It turns out they do have the cheaper bread and I just missed it last time. But I got the lightly more expensive stuff, as I prefer multi-grain. I also bought an orange and a carrot, which I then ate.

DIAF DIAF DIAF DIAF DIAF DIAF.

Of course, he is also raising money for charity, so this makes lying and taking away resources from people who actually need them totes OK.

DIAF DIAF DIAF DIAF DIAF DIAF DIAF.

(1) Not surprisingly, his wasn’t in self-awareness, though.

The abyss! It’s bottomless

So, whenever you think that woomeisters  couldn’t possibly stoop as low as to do something really really horrible, they always disappoint you. I mean:

There are concerns the detectors have failed to stop bomb attacks which have killed hundreds of people.

What sort of detector would that be? And why would anybody buy it in the first place? And for 40000$/piece, no less?

Ah:

The device consists of a swivelling aerial mounted to a hinge on a hand-grip. It does not operate by battery, instead promotional material says it is powered only by the user’s static electricity.

Ouch. Also:

Mr McCormick has said the device, sold from offices in Sparkford, Somerset, used special electronic cards slotted into it to detect explosives.

But a BBC Newsnight investigation reported that a computer laboratory said the card it examined contained only a tag used by shops to prevent theft.

Mr McCormick is the original scammer, I believe.

Personally, I also believe, he should walk through a minefield or something equally explosive  to prove the efficacy of his contraption. I mean, it’s only fair. Since he still insists it’s working.

The device was sold, apart from Iraq, to 20 other mostly Far Eastern countries.

It’s a bit hard to tell what’s most appalling part about the entire incident; the deaths that were indubitably caused by evidently useless equipment, the racist neocolonialist behaviour of the scammer (LOL LET’S SELL THIS SHINY MAGICAL BEADS WANDS TO THOSE STUPID BROWN PEOPLE IT’S NOT LIKE THEY COULD EVER NOTICE ANYWAY, LOLOLOL!!!1!!), or the fact that nobody noticed it until now.

Some more ridiculous claims about the purported efficacy of the device were listed here.

ETA: via #ttdkn, of course <3

My Haiti post (will I get a Canadian passport if I sell mine on Ebay?)

By now everyone must have surely heard about the terrible earthquake on Haiti, a country that has been continuously affected by every disaster possible for many years.

1. The number of dead is estimated to be between 50 – 100 000, and the number of people affected might be as large as 3 ooo ooo.

Therefore, it is imperative that we donate  money!

Medicins sans frontieres (you can select your country from the drop-down menu to the left)

Red Cross (international site, and the donation form is here)

UNICEF (international) (Germany) (Poland) (USA)

Meanwhile, the penny-pinching manwhores from the government of my country, Poland, generously pledged to donate 50 000$. This is FIFTY THOUSAND DOLLARS. I’m not kidding.

As my friend said, half a cent per dead person, won’t even be enough for the obolus for Charon’s services.

When I go back for winter holidays, I pledge to eat the Prime Minister. I will then sell the footage of me eating the Prime Minister on Ebay, the proceeds will go to charity. DIE DIE DIE DIE DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

Meanwhile, the Canadians sure must feel proud to be Canadian:

The Government of Canada will match the contributions of individual Canadians to eligible Canadian charitable organizations in support of humanitarian and recovery efforts in response to the earthquake in Haiti, up to a total of $50 million. The Canadian International Development Agency (CIDA) will allocate these funds to Canadian and international humanitarian and development organizations.

Yes. Yes. This is what everybody else  should be doing, too. Can I get a Canadian passport now? I’m a good law-abiding  investment citizen and will have two PhDs at some point!

2. Meanwhile, concerned Christians are showing the Christian love to the world by the means of, as usual, being complete, unabashed, inhuman, pathetic, self-centered fucking arseholes.

Exhibit one, Pat “Fucking arsehole” Robertson:

PAT ROBERTSON: And, you know, Kristi, something happened a long time ago in Haiti, and people might not want to talk about it. They were under the heel of the French. You know, Napoleon III and whatever. And they got together and swore a pact to the devil. They said, “We will serve you if you will get us free from the French.” True story. And so, the devil said, “OK, it’s a deal.”

And they kicked the French out. You know, the Haitians revolted and got themselves free. But ever since, they have been cursed by one thing after the other. Desperately poor. That island of Hispaniola is one island. It’s cut down the middle. On the one side is Haiti; on the other side is the Dominican Republic. Dominican Republic is prosperous, healthy, full of resorts, et cetera. Haiti is in desperate poverty. Same island. They need to have and we need to pray for them a great turning to God. And out of this tragedy, I’m optimistic something good may come. But right now, we’re helping the suffering people, and the suffering is unimaginable.

KRISTI WATTS (co-host): Absolutely, Pat.

Wow, the stupidity, inhumanity and uncannily hyaena-like behaviour are stupefying, which does not surprise me in the least. I mean, this is Pat Robertson? What did you expect? Pink teddy bears and roses?

Yeah, didn’t think so.

HOWEVER, what at least I didn’t know is that the “pact with the devil” thing is not something Le Fucking Arsehole made up on his own. No; it seems to be a spurious meme that has been circulating among Pentecostals for some time now, according to several sources:

1. Jean Gelin, a Haitian pastor.

For quite some time now, several articles on the Internet have mentioned the existence of an iron pig statue in Port-au-Prince as a monument to commemorate Haiti’s so-called pact with the devil through Vodou. The statue would be in remembrance of a pig that was killed during the gathering by the African slaves. In an effort to know more about that rumor, I contacted several authors about the exact location of the pig statue that’s incidentally nowhere to be found in the country. Their answer was complete silence, a simple apology, or just the removal of the reference from their texts.

2. Bartholomew’s Notes on Religion has several very interesting quotes as well as links to more resources:

This supposed pact has been obsessed over before by neo-Pentecostal Christians who regard spiritual causality as the directing force behind world events. In 2004, The Revealer noted the views of Terry W. Snow, country director of Youth with a Mission, who described the pact but also announced that it was at an end:

“2004 will be the official ending of the 200 year pact known as the Boukman Contract. (See below for more details.) Made by a slave named Boukman, who was considered to be a great witchdoctor, the contract surrendered the Haitian people to spiritual slavery through a voodoo ceremony, in exchange for their physical freedom. On the night of August 14, 1791 the sacrifice was made and the contract agreed to. However, it wouldn’t be until January 1, 1804 that Haiti was recognized as the first independent black nation in the world.”

(Also, another one of Bartholomew’s  entries in which he writes about a Pentecostal who believes that the Japanese (shintoistic) sun goddess Amaterasu is the Biblical harlot. Also, there are demonic influences.

I giggled while typing that. I guess Shinto must be the perfect opportunity for crackpots to emit drivel all over the memosphere. I mean, many parts of many rituals, including the ritual speech, are completely incomprehensible for modern scholars, not to mention modern Japanese. The opportunities for making up stuff are endless!)

3. Linked by Bartholomew is a fascinating, detailed post by Rachel Tabachnick which sheds some more light on the historical background of the entire legend. Unsurprisingly, there’s colonialism, racism, Christian asshattery and blood libel:

The Haitian revolution against their French masters put the “fear of God” into colonial empires around the world. It was believed that the rebellion could not have possibly been achieved by any other power than the devil himself. The myths were embellished by people like Sir Spencer St. John, a British consul to Haiti  who published the 1886 book The Black Republic. He claimed that “Vaudoux” practicing Haitians were cannibals who sacrificed children.  St. John’s writings were widely published to support the claim that Haitians were not capable of self-rule.  The characterization has since been used to justify “recolonizing” Haiti’s land and economy as a source of low wage labor, a struggle which continued for generations.

Gee, who would have thought? Also, more blood libel:

Following is an example of the propaganda used to promote Haiti’s National Day of Prayer in 1997, sponsored by “Vision Haiti.”

“Last week a baby was stolen from the hospital in St. Marc. The reason the child is to be sacrificed to appease the Voodoo gods for the so-called special day of celebration. There are generally two ways they sacrifice children. One is in a large grinding pot. They place the child in the pot and proceed to grind the child while still alive. The other way is even more demonic as they hang the child upside down by his feet and place a large bowl beneath him. The child hangs until dead as the body releases its fluids into the bowl. The bowl is then placed in the sun to dry. Afterward, the priest takes what is left of the young child and grinds the body into a powder to use for his Voodoo ceremony.Can you imagine?

This is the kind of satanic worship and bondage that has gripped the Haitian people for over 200 years.”

I’d like to say this surprises me, but no. Unfortunately not.

(Especially not after the blood libel urban legends spread about the Chinese by other fundie groups.)

This quote is particularly telling of the theist research standards:

In 2003 Jean-Bertrand Aristide, then president of Haiti,  recognized voodoo as an official state religion. Link to the BBC report. Subsequently Christianity Today published an October 2003 article reporting that this had created fears among some Christians concerned that Aristide might be planning to “renew the 200-year old pact with the devil.”  Christianity Today also repeated the infant abduction story although they stated that it was “unconfirmed.”

“Unconfirmed”. Awesome. But you know, they aren’t doing anything wrong! Just asking questions! Why wouldn’t they be allowed to just ask question? Think out loud? Wonder? The’re just conceeeerned!!!1111111

4. Finally, the Haiti ambassador in the US pwns Le Fucking Arsehole liek, totally:

“So, what pact the Haitians made with the devil has helped the United States become what it is (…)”

Oops. (Link goes to the delicious video, by the way.)

5. Also, the USian White House did something very right, too:

White House Says Haiti Statements by Robertson and Limbaugh Are “Really Stupid”

Yes, thank you for that.

6. And while we are at it, Le Fucking Dickwad, Rush Limbaugh, also was adamant about letting us know what his thoughts on yaoi Haiti are (I’m not linking to his website. Google it if you like):

“Would you trust that the money is going to go to Haiti?” Limbaugh said. “Would you trust that your name is going to end up on a mailing list for the Obama people to start asking you for campaign donations for him and other causes?”

Limbaugh added, “besides, we’ve already donated to Haiti.  It’s called the US income tax.”

Yeah riiiiiiight. Because you’re paying taxes so that the lazy foreign brown people can spend their lazy days not pulling themselves up by their bootstraps, while you work your arse off. Taxes, of course, have nothing at all to do with the existence of public schools, or public healthcare (oops, wrong country!), or, I dunno, public roads, maybe? No, of course not. All those things happen thanks to magic, wishful thinking and Jesus.

In that order.

In other words, die in a fire, Rush!

Also, I will now donate moar money out of spite.

The sad life of a *very* angry theist (as seen on Amazon.com)

This is better than a blog. This is like a shopping list for a philologist: it shows you what a person uses, what are their needs, and what they like, and what they don’t and so on.

The bonus is, it has the author’s own meta-commentary which allows a curious anthropologist a unique glimpse into the life of an angry middle-class white anglophone theist. As usual, it starts with a persecution complex and quickly degenerates from there:

Amazon’s CEO, being an anti-Christian bigot, allows me and other Christians to be repeatedly harassed by Amazon’s community moderators and other anti-Christians, including allowing them to repeatedly leave fake reviews on Christian books.

I believe the terminus technicus for this kind of whining is “aw, world’s smallest violin!”.

1. The stuff he is interested in that isn’t media includes:

a. A knife with which he doesn’t seem to be happy:

I really hate these dumb laws forbidding automatic knives which are causing the market to be flooded with junk like this. It’s hard on the fingers to open and feels crumby and clumsy when it sets open rubbing against the metal below the knife. How is it it’s legal to own and shoot a gun in self defense, but not a knife? Someone please get rid of these dumb anti-self-defense government laws, it’s sickening.

Uh-huh, what does he need an automatic knife for?  Is this a countryside thing, where you could need an automatic knife for some bizarre countryside things which I would have no idea of?

Somehow, I believe, epistemological scepticism is in order.

b. A bicycle cover. When he starts ranting, though, the rant has very little to do with bicycles at all:

Note: this review would have shown up a day earlier but once again the amazon community moderators decided to harass me for my religion and delete without notification. So much for the “We’re trying to be the most customer centric” lie. The moron amazon moderators, who are massively evil liberal morons refrained from harassing me by interfering with my reviews for me being a fundamentalist Christian, using arbitrary reasons like, “WE couldn’t tell if you liked it or not”(…)

Halfway through I started wondering if he would ever get to the actual bicycle cover part at all, but alas. He didn’t. The happy end:

How can amazon be the most customer centric if they approve of stalking Christians? . I hope this review satisfies their arbitrary length requirements, you evil bigots. You are begging to be sued.

Aw, sweet! I wonder whether he consulted his internet lawyer yet.

c. An electric turkey fryer and roaster. This review totally freaked me out, because, well. If this guy suddenly disappears from the internets and later, a Darwin award will be given to a angry middle-class white anglophone theist? We will so know who it was.

I mean, seriously. I hope he never actually never does anything stupid like breathing in CO2 to prove his point, because:

CARBON DIOXIDE IS NOT A TOXIC GAS YOU STUPID GULLIBLE ANTI-SCIENTIFIC MORON. STOP PARROTING STUPIDITY YOU STUPID IDIOT! HOW SAD THAT 22 PEOPLE AGREED WITH YOUR ABSURD BABY BRAINED REMARK ABND ABOUT NO ONE DISAGREED!!! JUST GOES TO SHOW HOW MANY SCIENTIFICALLY ILLITERATE MORONS THERE ARE IN THE WORLD! “FRIGHTENING”!

MORONS: CARBON DIOXIDE COMES OUT YOUR MOUTH CONSTANTLY, IF IT WERE A TOXIN YOU IDIOTS YOU’D BE DEAD. GET A CLUE ALREADY YOU PARANOID MENTALLY ILL IGNORANCE-LOVING DELIBERATE RETARDS. GOD YOU ARE SO STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!! KILL YOURSELVES ALREADY IF YOU THINK CARBON DIOXIDE IS SO BAD SINCE IT’S COMING YOUR MOUTHS NONSTOP YOU TOXIC POLLUTION MACHINES! HYPOCRITE MORONS!

Yeah, coming out of our mouths all right. But in? In is a completely different story :( I gathered that he considers Wikipedia a huge liberal conspiracy, but for what it’s worth:

Toxicity and its effects increase with the concentration of CO₂, here given in volume percent of CO₂ in the air:

• 1%, as can occur in a crowded auditorium with poor ventilation, can cause drowsiness with prolonged exposure.
• At 2% it is mildly narcotic and causes increased blood pressure and pulse rate, and causes reduced hearing.
• At about 5% it causes stimulation of the respiratory centre, dizziness, confusion and difficulty in breathing accompanied by headache and shortness of breath. In addition at this concentration panic attacks may occur.

At about 8% it causes headache, sweating, dim vision, tremor and loss of consciousness after exposure for between five and ten minutes.

Yeah, so. Hopefully, the guy isn’t actually dumb enough to try to prove anything to anybody :\

d. A ceramic tower heater:

1) The LCD on the heater is an ugly mentally disturbing green.

Ah, an interesting colour.

2. As for the media:

a. Family of Secrets: The Bush Dynasty, America’s Invisible Government, and the Hidden History of the Last Fifty Years

The “fundamentalism” in the title of the second book is misleading though since there is nothing wrong with having beliefs and the opposite of fundamentalism is arbitrariness or ignorance. Also everyone has beliefs that they won’t change on, why pick on that? Further, the fundamentalists this book attacks aren’t fundamentlists, but Arbitrarians I call them, since they have beliefs based on their feelings. But knowing that, that second book has much good info.

“The opposite (sic!) of fundamentalism is arbitrariness or ignorance”? Huh? I must be new to the whole synonym/antonym thing, then. And beliefs based on feelings? I’m sorry, this offends my Vulcan logic.

Otherwise, guys, this is so hilarious!

b. Inside the Assassination Records Review Board: The U.S. Government’s Final Attempt to Reconcile the Conflicting Medical Evidence in the Assassination of JFK (Volume 1)

Besides being an incredible breakthrough work, it’s yet more evidence of how corrupt our government is. It just never ends.

Hah. There is another thing that just never ends. Heeee.

What sick idiots from Hell.

It’s quite fascinating to see how he conflates categories here for the effect of creating omgosh! the most potent insult ever! They are idiots! But they’re also sick!

IN HELL!1111111111!!!!111

c. He also writes scathing reviews of Windows OSs, which after brief skimming I concluded to be mostly on topic. However, the day when I actually stoop as low as to read computer programmme rants on Amazon will be the day I give up the internets forever.

I hoped someone would recommend to him Ubuntu, though.

I know, I know. It’s unethical.

d. His review of Racing Toward Armageddon: The Three Great Religions and the Plot to End the World contains, well, among other things, his predictably misogynistic views on abortion:

An obvious flaw with this is that fundamentalists are known for trying to save babies not abort them with a red cow and nukes. And according to a few psychos fundamentalists are like Hitler because they try to get everyone to have more babies (yes that’s isanely backwards and stupid). SO, even in twisted people like that realize fundamentalist Christians aren’t trying to kill everyone off, but trying to increase the world’s population (like ever heard of “be fruitful and multiply”? one of the most common phrases in North America, kinda hard to miss), so the authoer must be severely blind.

Ouch. I think his sources about “most common phrases in North America” might be a bit biased.

Multiple Bible quotations follow. Then:

Clearly Baigent and Ian are so stupid, they can’t understand plain speech, and in their abhorrence of justice, can’t believe that God would actually punish wrong doing.

This is sort of adorable, like a stupid puppy running into a snowdrift or a tiny kitten trying to eat the woolen decoration on my hat and then vomiting all over the room.

e. He enjoyed Jeff Sharlett’s The Family, which I found extremely hilarious, and which also makes one wonder about the degree of development of his reading comprehension skills.

f.  His review of Biblical Numerology: A Basic Study of the Use of Numbers in the Bible made me giggle, a bit:

Excellent Objective Scholarly Work

is followed by:

This is a thorough and very readable book and the other rightly defends the perfection of Scripture, God’s word, which has changed the world for the better by those who use it for good and even by those who use it for mere personal gain.

Yeah. Yet again, a really not very bright Biblical literalist proves that to a Biblical literalist “objective” = “agrees with all my preconceptions, prejudices, and bigotry”.

(Also: using Biblical dates/numbers for actually counting anything, worse yet, trying to date historical events, or possible historical events, must be, like, the dumbest thing ever. EVER!)

There are 20 pages of this stuff. I must do important things now, though.