Therefore, I give you:
A doomed to failure tragic tragic tragic love between a cockroach and a grasshopper
Their love had been doomed from the start. Not only were they from different worlds – he – a cockroach – he – a grasshopper, but also their bloodthirsty families had had an ongoing feud that had started four years before, and had cost the life of many an intrepid cockroach and many a fine manly grasshopper.
They had met in a gay club. That in itself had been a very unlikely event, as cockroaches were, as a general rule, banned from such places ever since the Great Airconditioning Unit Incident inof 2008. It had been a love from the first sight, sudden, unexpected, a bit like being hit on the head with something heavy – a feeling with which the cockroach was intimately familiar.
In short: it had hurt, but in a good way.
They were like Romeo and Juliet, or, more accurately, Romeo and Romeo, or, more accurately still, given their shared propensity for crossdressing, like Juliet and Juliet.
“Quick! She’s closing the suitcase!”
“I’m coming! I’m coming!”
The clicking sound was for the cockroach what the swishing of the guillotine must have been for Marie Antoinette, with the slight dissimilarity in that this time, no heads fell.
“Are we safe yet?” asked the grasshopper, gazing lovingly at the cockroach.
“For now, darling, for now,” said the cockroach adoringly, musing on the vagaries of fate and the likelihood of planes crashing five minutes before landing.
“I doubt they have cockroach poison in Bamako,” said the grasshopper, hind legs quivering anxiously.
Hah. Little did he know.