(I’m sick and miserable. So sick I haven’t had any coffee for two days now.

Hm.

Time to rectify my gross negligence?

Brb)

Back!

Anyway, This post started this morning with my astute observation that:

Username “objectivetruth” always belongs to a fundie or creationist(1)

Then Nachasz came and rightly pointed out that “objectivetruth” could also be a randroid.

Thus, armed with this solid heuristic apparatus, I set out to troll on my road of internet discovery.

1. WordPress users will be pleased to hear that there is no user called “objectivetruth” here.

2. Because they’re on Blogspot.

3. Only, moved out. And, guys, it’s hilaaaaaarious!

First this:

What is truth? Truth is something I believe AND it is actually true. Lots of people today talk about personal truth (subjective truth). Unless what they believe is actually true then it’s not truth. Truth is not SUBJECTIVE.

This means, and pay attention, because it’s a huuuuuuge leap right there, this means: “what I believe is true, because I say so. When other people say so, it’s not true. Because I say so”.

This is, of course, a statement of astounding profundity and far-reaching epistemological consequences.

But there is, as usual, moaaaar! This page has a curious definition of the truth:

We already know the answer: Truth is when things are the way we think they are. When our thinking matches up accurately to what we’re thinking about – when our beliefs are correct – we say they are true.

Welllllll. I’m no philosopher, but then, we don’t need a philosopher here to say that the logic here, is, perhaps, a bit, slightly, minutely circular.

Also: when things are the way we think they are, and our thinking that things are the way we think they are reinforces our thinking that they are the way we think they are, what we have is not “truth” but “confirmation bias“.

We all know what a lie is. We also know that truth is just the opposite. The Bible uses the word “truth” in this way all the time. Paul said, “I am telling the truth in Christ, I am not lying” (Romans 9:1). John writes, “No lie is of the truth” 1 John 2:21. Sometimes the contrast is between truth and error (e.g., 1 John 4:6), which is basically the same thing.

Yeah. “Error” is totally the same thing as “lie”. So, like, this is why, when we have a lying criminal in court, and a witness who is simply mistaken, they will both be treated exactly the same way by the law. Also, a student who had errors in her maths homework will be treated the same way as the one who cheated his off  his friend’s homework. Totally.

This is because “error” and “lie” are, like, totally the same thing.

(Authorial intent! Look it up! Think about it!)

Several lines down, a brief affair with sanity:

Facts of the world are truth-makers.

Yeah. Only I’m not convinced he really knows what “fact” means. Look it up(3)!

Anyway, to the serious business entries! From the delicious post about idolatry and, well, something:

Here is the big idea of todays workshop; when I put anything in my life before God it means I am also putting that thing in front of my spouse. God hates when we do this and there are severe consequences that will occur if we do not change our behavior. If God is not in the right position of my life, my master then it is impossible for our marriages to be in the right order as well.

Huh? What? Why?

So, is Christian marriage some sort of threeway-with-god kind of thing? Kinky. Or is it? And wouldn’t it mean that you’re worshipping you spouse and god? Or, whatwhereblargh.

I have to say, spatial relationships in a healthy Christian family are very confusing.

Do you know that everyone worships something in this world? No matter if you are an atheist, agnostic, buddhist, hindu, pagan or Christian you are going to worship something.

So, as an atheist, what would it be that I worship? The absence of gods? How do you do that? Do I need an altar that says “to the absence of gods”, and do I have to pray to gods every day, gleefully proclaiming “thank you, guys, for not being there”?

That would be hilarious, actually.

Only, I don’t have time, and also, no need for ritualised behaviour, most of the time.

God has created all mankind with a need to worship Him.

This is because Christianity is like Gor.

Also: what about free will?

The rest of the post was pretty much nauseating, apart from this gem:

It was early an early Saturday morning and my lovely wife gave me a kiss good bye eyes I was rolling out of bed and she tells me she needs to take my car because her car is really low on gas. I say no problem just make sure you are back by noon because I need to go to Church and work oh and babe if you can actually be back a little earlier that would be great because I want to get my oil changed. Maybe you could be back at 11. So I start getting ready and it is nearing 11. I am thinking to myself she better be back she knows I need to get my oil changed and want to get it washed. 11 passes and it is now nearing noon and I am really starting to get upset. I am getting angry. It is about 5 minutes to 12 and her she comes rolling up and I am thinking how selfish was she to be out that long. Why would she not be considerate of what I needed to do. As the door opens I bite her head off and yell at her. Where have you been! You know I wanted to get my car washed you know I wanted to get my oil change and you just did whatever you wanted. My lovely wife turns to me and says babe I got your car washed and I got the oil changed for you. I am now looking for a rock to hide under for what a jerk I am. Do you realize I was committing murder in my heart?

What a jerk!

The list of idols is a thing to behold, though. Did you know it’s a sin to have your kids go to sports practice on Sunday? Because then you may not be able to get to church on time, and god will hate you?

Heee.

Then, there’s the post about god’s wrath:

We just don’t do it often enough, if at all. We even hear people apologize or act like this is some character flaw of God.

Huh. Why is that OK for god to be a Bitch Queen of Bitchville, more or less, but the godly Christian has to be all meek and docile, like a trained puppy?

And we have to understand it is not a reactionary type of anger but it is a holy and righteous anger. We as humans have a hard time understanding this perfect anger or wrath. Because we are flawed and sinful.

Yes. Yes. Precisely. This is because we’re sinful, not because we think, like, you know,  logically.

Then we see God wipe out the entire world except for 8 people in the flood of Noah.
• Then in the days of Abraham we see that he completely destroys Sodom and Gomorra.
• We see He destroys all the army’s of Egypt along with Pharaoh in the Red Sea.
• We see that he destroyed the Amalekites and killed all men, women and children because of their 430 years of rebellion against God and the sacrificing of babies to Molech their false God. Do you know what the Amalekites would do when they sacrificed their babies they would heat up a statue of their god until it was read hot and place the babies on it and let them burn up. God gave them lots of time to repent and brought His wrath upon them when the nation of Israel wiped them all out.

All those actions are, of course, very laudable!

Sooo, god’s wrath against the Amalekites is godly and perfect, because god did it. It also has nothing to do with the ill-defined “reactionary anger”(4), which is the anger you feel when somebody does something to you. Nope. The Amalekites did nothing to god. They were just unpleasant! And they burnt babies. And god had too much time on their hands.

In short: they had it coming, stupid bitches, and genocide is all right.

Praise the lord!

Also, the ObjectiveTruth’s righteous wrath directed at commas is righteous and godly. This has nothing to do with what commas did to him, and the story about commas running over his puppy is totally fabricated. By satan.

Totally!

This and moar and the charming Objective Truth website.

ETA: Link to Nachasz doesn’t take you to FF now *facepalm*.

(1) Note: those two labels are by no means mutually exclusive(2).

(2) Also: this is all thanks to PZ who linked to this hilarious piece of verbal diarrhoea which belongs in the Creative Writing 101, part One: How not to write, but, oh well.  Anyway, look at the comments!

(3) Please note that the What is truth article has a tiny tiny tiny footnote saying “taken from this (address) website. It is however unclear to me whether he means by it the entire thing, or something else, or I don’t even know anymore.

(4) Trufax: I snorted every time I saw “reactionary anger”. *Snorts*

And I’m too lazy to copy the link, today.

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Comments
  1. ztrewq says:

    Do you know what the definition of an “easy target” is? :-)))

  2. ztrewq says:

    Oh, it is funny. No question about it.

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