The sad life of a *very* angry theist (as seen on Amazon.com)

Posted: January 14, 2010 in atheism, creationism, fundamentalism, internets, religion, stupid people, wtf?
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

This is better than a blog. This is like a shopping list for a philologist: it shows you what a person uses, what are their needs, and what they like, and what they don’t and so on.

The bonus is, it has the author’s own meta-commentary which allows a curious anthropologist a unique glimpse into the life of an angry middle-class white anglophone theist. As usual, it starts with a persecution complex and quickly degenerates from there:

Amazon’s CEO, being an anti-Christian bigot, allows me and other Christians to be repeatedly harassed by Amazon’s community moderators and other anti-Christians, including allowing them to repeatedly leave fake reviews on Christian books.

I believe the terminus technicus for this kind of whining is “aw, world’s smallest violin!”.

1. The stuff he is interested in that isn’t media includes:

a. A knife with which he doesn’t seem to be happy:

I really hate these dumb laws forbidding automatic knives which are causing the market to be flooded with junk like this. It’s hard on the fingers to open and feels crumby and clumsy when it sets open rubbing against the metal below the knife. How is it it’s legal to own and shoot a gun in self defense, but not a knife? Someone please get rid of these dumb anti-self-defense government laws, it’s sickening.

Uh-huh, what does he need an automatic knife for?  Is this a countryside thing, where you could need an automatic knife for some bizarre countryside things which I would have no idea of?

Somehow, I believe, epistemological scepticism is in order.

b. A bicycle cover. When he starts ranting, though, the rant has very little to do with bicycles at all:

Note: this review would have shown up a day earlier but once again the amazon community moderators decided to harass me for my religion and delete without notification. So much for the “We’re trying to be the most customer centric” lie. The moron amazon moderators, who are massively evil liberal morons refrained from harassing me by interfering with my reviews for me being a fundamentalist Christian, using arbitrary reasons like, “WE couldn’t tell if you liked it or not”(…)

Halfway through I started wondering if he would ever get to the actual bicycle cover part at all, but alas. He didn’t. The happy end:

How can amazon be the most customer centric if they approve of stalking Christians? . I hope this review satisfies their arbitrary length requirements, you evil bigots. You are begging to be sued.

Aw, sweet! I wonder whether he consulted his internet lawyer yet.

c. An electric turkey fryer and roaster. This review totally freaked me out, because, well. If this guy suddenly disappears from the internets and later, a Darwin award will be given to a angry middle-class white anglophone theist? We will so know who it was.

I mean, seriously. I hope he never actually never does anything stupid like breathing in CO2 to prove his point, because:

CARBON DIOXIDE IS NOT A TOXIC GAS YOU STUPID GULLIBLE ANTI-SCIENTIFIC MORON. STOP PARROTING STUPIDITY YOU STUPID IDIOT! HOW SAD THAT 22 PEOPLE AGREED WITH YOUR ABSURD BABY BRAINED REMARK ABND ABOUT NO ONE DISAGREED!!! JUST GOES TO SHOW HOW MANY SCIENTIFICALLY ILLITERATE MORONS THERE ARE IN THE WORLD! “FRIGHTENING”!

MORONS: CARBON DIOXIDE COMES OUT YOUR MOUTH CONSTANTLY, IF IT WERE A TOXIN YOU IDIOTS YOU’D BE DEAD. GET A CLUE ALREADY YOU PARANOID MENTALLY ILL IGNORANCE-LOVING DELIBERATE RETARDS. GOD YOU ARE SO STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!! KILL YOURSELVES ALREADY IF YOU THINK CARBON DIOXIDE IS SO BAD SINCE IT’S COMING YOUR MOUTHS NONSTOP YOU TOXIC POLLUTION MACHINES! HYPOCRITE MORONS!

Yeah, coming out of our mouths all right. But in? In is a completely different story :( I gathered that he considers Wikipedia a huge liberal conspiracy, but for what it’s worth:

Toxicity and its effects increase with the concentration of CO2, here given in volume percent of CO2 in the air:

  • At about 8% it causes headache, sweating, dim vision, tremor and loss of consciousness after exposure for between five and ten minutes.
  • Yeah, so. Hopefully, the guy isn’t actually dumb enough to try to prove anything to anybody :\

    d. A ceramic tower heater:

    1) The LCD on the heater is an ugly mentally disturbing green.

    Ah, an interesting colour.

    2. As for the media:

    a. Family of Secrets: The Bush Dynasty, America’s Invisible Government, and the Hidden History of the Last Fifty Years

    The “fundamentalism” in the title of the second book is misleading though since there is nothing wrong with having beliefs and the opposite of fundamentalism is arbitrariness or ignorance. Also everyone has beliefs that they won’t change on, why pick on that? Further, the fundamentalists this book attacks aren’t fundamentlists, but Arbitrarians I call them, since they have beliefs based on their feelings. But knowing that, that second book has much good info.

    “The opposite (sic!) of fundamentalism is arbitrariness or ignorance”? Huh? I must be new to the whole synonym/antonym thing, then. And beliefs based on feelings? I’m sorry, this offends my Vulcan logic.

    Otherwise, guys, this is so hilarious!

    b. Inside the Assassination Records Review Board: The U.S. Government’s Final Attempt to Reconcile the Conflicting Medical Evidence in the Assassination of JFK (Volume 1)

    Besides being an incredible breakthrough work, it’s yet more evidence of how corrupt our government is. It just never ends.

    Hah. There is another thing that just never ends. Heeee.

    What sick idiots from Hell.

    It’s quite fascinating to see how he conflates categories here for the effect of creating omgosh! the most potent insult ever! They are idiots! But they’re also sick!

    IN HELL!1111111111!!!!111

    c. He also writes scathing reviews of Windows OSs, which after brief skimming I concluded to be mostly on topic. However, the day when I actually stoop as low as to read computer programmme rants on Amazon will be the day I give up the internets forever.

    I hoped someone would recommend to him Ubuntu, though.

    I know, I know. It’s unethical.

    d. His review of Racing Toward Armageddon: The Three Great Religions and the Plot to End the World contains, well, among other things, his predictably misogynistic views on abortion:

    An obvious flaw with this is that fundamentalists are known for trying to save babies not abort them with a red cow and nukes. And according to a few psychos fundamentalists are like Hitler because they try to get everyone to have more babies (yes that’s isanely backwards and stupid). SO, even in twisted people like that realize fundamentalist Christians aren’t trying to kill everyone off, but trying to increase the world’s population (like ever heard of “be fruitful and multiply”? one of the most common phrases in North America, kinda hard to miss), so the authoer must be severely blind.

    Ouch. I think his sources about “most common phrases in North America” might be a bit biased.

    Multiple Bible quotations follow. Then:

    Clearly Baigent and Ian are so stupid, they can’t understand plain speech, and in their abhorrence of justice, can’t believe that God would actually punish wrong doing.

    This is sort of adorable, like a stupid puppy running into a snowdrift or a tiny kitten trying to eat the woolen decoration on my hat and then vomiting all over the room.

    e. He enjoyed Jeff Sharlett’s The Family, which I found extremely hilarious, and which also makes one wonder about the degree of development of his reading comprehension skills.

    f.  His review of Biblical Numerology: A Basic Study of the Use of Numbers in the Bible made me giggle, a bit:

    Excellent Objective Scholarly Work

    is followed by:

    This is a thorough and very readable book and the other rightly defends the perfection of Scripture, God’s word, which has changed the world for the better by those who use it for good and even by those who use it for mere personal gain.

    Yeah. Yet again, a really not very bright Biblical literalist proves that to a Biblical literalist “objective” = “agrees with all my preconceptions, prejudices, and bigotry”.

    (Also: using Biblical dates/numbers for actually counting anything, worse yet, trying to date historical events, or possible historical events, must be, like, the dumbest thing ever. EVER!)

    There are 20 pages of this stuff. I must do important things now, though.

    Comments
    1. mikespeir says:

      Well, I think his comments sorta speak for themselves. Any rebuttal could only point to the guy’s evident mental issues and thus might provoke unnecessary sympathy.

      • Huh. I don’t think he actually has any mental issues, not any more than the freepers, or the guys from Worldnut Daily do. Granted, he’s not very bright, and isn’t very coherent in explaining his position, and maybe he is a bit angrier and caps lock-happy than an average person, but still. I wouldn’t be making fun of him if I thought he was seriously ill.
        Unless you mean to say that religion = mental issues or something.

    2. traffician says:

      thank you for this, uhm … fascinating discovery.

    3. jj says:

      “Is this a countryside thing, where you could need an automatic knife for some bizarre countryside things which I would have no idea of?” For some reason I love this sentence. Anyway, I’m on this survival forum (I was looking for practical wilderness survival info but it turns out most “survival” people are the conspiracy theory type) and yes. Yes, it’s a countryside thing. Mostly they want to be able to protect their houses from looters who for some reason are barraging their house in some futuristic apocalypse fantasy they all have. Anyway, I’m pretty sure you’re allowed to have any type of knife in your own house, so I don’t know what he’s complaining about.

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