Posts Tagged ‘cogito ergo sum’

OK, I know I just should keep my hands to myself, and take a cold shower, BUT. Cogito Ergo Sum, he’s so stupid, and I just can’t stoooooop reaaaaaaaaaading.

(Let me assure you that I checked several times whether he wasn’t a 13-year-old boy pretending to be an adult. This is because I don’t get my kicks out of laughing at little kiddies. BUT HE WASN’T.)

Uh-huh. The trainwreck begins as Cogito Ergo Sum shares his thoughts on gay people with the rest of the class:

This post is in response to a fellow blogger who reported on a Bishop of Church of England. It is not the intention of this post to mock or criticize or insult the homosexual community. But frankly I don’t understand why this tension exists between the Church and the community.

See, he’s a nice guy. He won’t mock!

(Is this because he couldn’t tell mockery if it was stuffed down his throat, and later had the bears maul him?)

He starts with a strong case:

If you want to be a part of the religion then you have to accept its doctrines. Or else you’re simply not a part of the religion. Mutilating a faith and its doctrines just so you can be accepted serves no purpose other than to force a social group to embrace you for your sexuality. This is a sort of emotional, political and social blackmail.

Strong case of intergalactic flu and Baby Dropped on Their Head Syndrome. Because, like most Christians, Cogito has never read the Bible, and even if he did, his reading comprehension skills are so severely lacking, he has to believe that even allowing teh gays into churches “mutilates” his “faith”. The education is that way!

Even the Devil believes in God, right?

No idea. Have you tried asking him? I must be worse than devil, though, because I don’t. Come to think of it, I don’t believe in the devil, either.

I don’t get what the homosexual communities issue is. If you aim to change the religion then you’d might as well abandon it or create your own occult practice, because that is just as good as changing the one that is there. I’m sorry that you feel unaccepted by them, but if that is the case then that is the case. It is what it is (emphasis mine — Sara).

OH MY DARWIN YES! He did say it!

For those who failed to catch up: there are other people who “aimed to change the religion”. Just to name a few, let’s maybe start with Jesus. Then, Paul (the epistolary guy), then some lesser known figures, like Luther or Calvin. Note how Cogito just called their religions “occult practice”. AHAHAHAHAHA.

Accept the religion for what it is or don’t accept it at all… why the religious intolerance? Is that not hypocritical of you? You criticize the religion for a lack of tolerance for you, but you fail to tolerate the religion for what it stands for.

Funny that you should say that, Cogito. Have you read the Bible yet? Is that not hypocritical of you? You criticise the gays for lack of tolerance for you, but you fail to inform yourself as to what your holy book actually stands for.

What are you accomplishing by mutilating a religion and its beliefs just so that you can be accepted into it? Would that help to validate you? Would it help you to feel better and sleep better at night?

We, gay people, don’t sleep that well at night. This is because we’re busy having sex.

Gay sex.

With each other.

Gayly!

Does it alleviate your own guilt for being gay? Would religious acceptance make you feel less of a sinner? I imagine it does work like that.

To alleviate my own guilt for making this drivel known to people whom I like and respect, I will put “have moar gay sex this month” into my Gay Agenda Magical Pink Sparkly Memo Pad.

You might be able to force societies and laws to change, but you cannot force a religion.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. This is why Catholic priests are still allowed to marry, and we’ve been constantly having crusades in Europe since the Middle Ages. Also, the pope is a die-hard monarchist*.

A religion is by definition spiritual, transcendental in nature. At least, anyone who would want to be a part of the church would validate the fact that religions purport to be associated with spiritual matters.

I might be mistaken, but I hardly call the religious peoples’ interest in what I might do with a pink sparkly dildo in my free time transcendental. Or even spiritual.

God has spoken, right?

But have you read the Bible yet? And I don’t mean the abridged picture version.

The law-setter?

I don’t know. In my country, it’s usually the Parliament that does the wacky stuff with the law.

No amount of petitioning will change Gods mind about homosexuality.

OF COURSE, ONLINE PETITIONS NEVER WORK, DUH.
On a more serious note, though, it’s hard to change something that doesn’t exist (God). Even harder to change something that doubly doesn’t exist (the non-existent mind of a non-existent God). You can, however, try to change your homophobic hateful self, sweetheart**.

If you don’t accept that then you don’t believe in the faith. What more is there for you to do?

Point and laugh. Crochet. Have moar coffee. Lots of things!

A rose by any other name is still a rose. No matter how offensive an adjective or a lifestyle may be, a sinner is a sinner.

OK. Is the adjective that offends you “gay”? Gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay “>gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay ^__^***.

Also: no matter how offensive an adjective or a lifestyle may be, an ignorant homophobic fuckwad is still an ignorant homophobic fuckwad.

Also: SHAKESPEARE QUOTE HOW MEAAAAAAAAAAAAAN.

You can still believe in God and believe you’re going to hell at the same time, right?

Oh, those loving Xians, oh! You  make me feel soooo good about myself. Because, no matter what I do, I still won’t be able to beat that, right?

In fact, that sort of self-doubt is humble and virtuous, quite unlike the guilty Christians who confidently believe they are going to be sitting right next to Christ during every dinner, overly confident that they have earned a place in heaven, lower their guard and let sin set in.

What matters though is: do they let it in anally?

Surprise!

But was it surprise buttsex?

Don’t you think that you should be appeasing the church, instead of the state, in matters of religion?

Oh, I simply love this guy. “Appease”. I don’t think it means what you think it means! Look it up!

As a religious and spiritual construct, marriage is what you seek to achieve. As a social and legal construct, the notion of civil unity is far less meaningful and is less to the end of what you seek.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. “Marriage”, my dear demented fuckwad, is entirely a social construct. Have you any idea what it looks like, or what it looked like in other cultures? No, of course not, why would you? Why would you even be interested, when you can remain blissfully ignorant forever instead?

(Do we need a gigantic series of “Marriage in (insert period/place)” posts to show people how limited and biased their own ideas of marriage are?)

Personally, I think that you suffer a delusional false belief that forcing a church, a body of men, to recognize you; that somehow God will as well.

Here, have some charming rapey gay imagery, what with “forcing the body of men”. Coincidence? NO WAI.

I think that it is a form of perversion to actively undermine a religion, not unlike atheists, under the false premise of virtuosity.

Um, so we had a false premise where we DIDN’T outright say we wanted to undermine religion? Guys, you need to update my forwarding address for the Atheist Agenda memos, I moved!

I’m also afraid “virtuosity” doesn’t really mean what you think it means. Look it up!

The churches believe that you lack moral fortification.

My pillow fort doesn’t count? Damn. Or, did you perhaps mean “moral fortitude”?

It seems true from my perspective in light of these realizations.

This is the last sentence. It doesn’t make any sense. His entire fapping essay makes no sense, but this makes even less. Charming!

(Dear homophobes: yes, this is what you look like. This is how stupid one has to be in order to become one of you.)

* Who knows, he might be. B16 is, just like his predecessor, completely batshit.

**  Please don’t. You’re too entertaining.

*** Daily passive-aggressive smiley quota filled! ERFOLG****!

**** FOREIGN LANGUAGE HOW MEAN.

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Hah. So, Dan at Camels with Hammers has an awesome series of posts about gay gay gay gay gayness*, which you should check out if you’re interested in gay gayness and/or  religion 1 * 2 * 3 * 4 * 5 * 6 * . You can also read my very gay post about Leviticus.

(I simply love Leviticus. Whenever I’ve nothing better to do, and whenever I’m down, I just read it and think “well, at least it won’t ever get as bad as that, LOL”**)

However, the hilarity of the day is in the post about the wacky Anglican bishop, with whom we will not concern ourselves, as he’s a typically homophobic specimen of Xian clergy, and therefore, boriiiiiing. What is awesome, is the poor oppressed Christian in the comments:

Why is this so offensive to the homosexual community? If you want to be a part of the religion then you have to accept its doctrines. Or else youre simply not a part of the religion. Even the Devil believes in God, right? I dont get what the homosexual communities issue is. If you aim to change the religion then you’d might as well abandon it or create your own occult practice, because that is just as good as changing the one that is there. Im sorry that you feel unaccepted. But it is what it is. Accept the religion for what it is or dont accept it at all… why the religious intolerance? Is that not hypocritical of you? What are you accomplishing by mutilating a religion and its beliefs just so that you can be accepted into it? Would that help to validate you? Would it help you to feel better and sleep better at night? You might be able to force societies and laws to change, but you cannot force a religion. A religion is by definition spiritual, transcendental. God has spoken, right? The law-setter. No amount of petitioning will change Gods mind. If you dont accept that then you dont believe in the faith. What more is there for you to do?

Predictably, and hilariously enough, the guy’s nickname is Cogito Ergo Sum (BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA).

(Perhaps, this is why he hasn’t been posting on his blog — with whose mockery we will proceed below — recently. The not-thinking finally caught up with him and, puff, no more Cogito?)

(What is it with pretentious and dumb people, mostly wingnuts, who chose pretentious and ironically inaccurate nicknames like that? There’s a Polish wingnut online bookstore that’s called Księgarnia Ludzi Myślących, which means “The Bookstore of Thinking People” or some such. They sell stuff like this*** and this and this****. Haha, no)

Anyway, predictably enough, Dan swiftly mauled Cogito, and three months later I couldn’t help but dance a little triumphantly on his several-months old battered carcass.

(I have no idea how Dan manages to be so civil, though. I can’t. Wanted to add a couple of “you fuckwads” for a good measure, but there was no place. Damn. Maybe next time.)

(Note to self: also add more passive-aggressive smileys)

But I digress. The thing is, I’m always on the lookout for interesting blogs and websites that are worthy of my time. It stands to reason then that I would check out Cogito’s blog.

I wasn’t disappointed!

Oh, the hilarity!

First, we have a post about those mean people who use big words. How mean!

It often annoys me to hear people use big words that I don’t know. I know, I know… not to self-deprecate or anything, and certainly not to sound arrogant; I just have issues with people who choose to or habitually use larger words than commonly known.

Wellllllllll. I don’t think “deprecate” really means what you think it means (well, it is a possibility). Look it up! Also, “self-deprecating” is normally an adjective. Also, note how between the first sentence and second sentence “the words I don’t know” become “larger words than commonly known”. Haha, no.

(Also, his English is very awkward. I thought at first he was an ESL learner and wanted to lay off mocking him, but it seems from his posts he’s USian)

Then, right in the second paragraph:

I have a fairly descent vocabulary, myself; a rather large one in fact.

Um, did you mean “decent”? Look it up! Well, anyway, I thought it was a bit arseholish to laugh at people’s spelling, maybe he didn’t have the time, maybe he’s dysgraphic. But then, two lines further:

Further, I write with a much higher vocabulary than I speak. I’m pretty sure that most people are like me in this regard. If you’ve read any of my articles online, you would know the depth of the vocabulary I use.

HAHAHAHAHA PLEASE WRITE ME MOAR. And I’d sort of like to hear him speaking, now.

(Also, WordPress and most other blogging platforms have a nice little tool called “spellcheck”. This is not a big word for you, Cogito, I’d certainly hope.)

A few paragraphs down, we can read about the existential angst Cogito experiences every time some mean person uses a word he doesn’t understand.

When people use large words that I don’t understand I wonder to myself,

  • “Is this person testing my vocabulary? My intellect?”
  • “Is this person testing my pride and seeing if I will ask what the word means?”
  • “Are they trying to sound smarter than they are?”
  • “Does this person actually not think anything of it?”

Narf, narf. Personally, I’d go with option 4. My internet therapist credentials allow me to state a diagnosis of “look, jerk, this is what happens when you’re stupid, full of yourself, and paranoid about people proving you wrong”.

(Incidentally, what a normal****  gay person, like Sara*****, asks herself when she doesn’t understand a word is:

  • Where is my dictionary?*****)

Normally, people don’t spend that much time thinking whether their interlocutor will understand every word they say or not. They just speak the way they’re used to, duh*******. Also, how are you supposed to gauge what your interlocutor can or can’t understand when you don’t try to talk to them first? Are you supposed to think that every person without a formal education is just a nincompoop bum who doesn’t read books and so on? Are you supposed to think that every person wearing a certain sort of clothes is uneducated? Why? That’s classist, and also ignorant stereotyping.

Next,  we have this piece of utter and thorough brilliance that shines like the Sun (or the gospels):

Its my understanding that, for all intent and purpose, the Qu’ran is just another Book, another Word, and yet another “denominational” offshoot of Christianity.  Islam is as valid as, say, Judaism or Protestantism are; each have their place and association with Orthodox Catholicism.

Historically speaking, Islam came about several centuries after Christ and the birth of Catholicism.

OH WOW. First, why do you hate apostrophes? Second, it’s “for all intents and purposes”. Third, Judaism an offshoot of Christianity? Dude, Judaism had been around since long before Xianity wore a nappy and gurgled.

Not to mention? Catholicism is a concept much younger than Christianity itself, oops. Not to mention, trust me, Muhammad knew shit about Catholic dogmas when he wrote the Quran.

Anyway, what follows is a masterpiece of complete and utter ignorance. I had a laugh over it with my fourth and fifth coffee.

Let’s not mock him, though! He’s only bigoted when it comes to the gay gay gay gay gayyyyyyyys.

I am not well versed in the Qu’ran, but after the September 11th disaster and all the anti-Islamic chain mail floating around the internet, I felt compelled to purchase a copy of the Qu’ran.  I was a bit of an amateur theologian even then, but my immediate intention was to verify all of the atheist-writ, Christian-writ, and war-monger-write quotes that supported the bitterness and resentment of the Sep 11 attacks.  I also have a copy of the prophesies of Nostradamus for the same reasons.  I enjoy comparing religions, and if you are a ready of mine you would have read some of what I have to say, and you will likely read a lot more to come.

*Snort*. Amateur indeed. A hint: when you know nothing about something, just say so, instead of using, well, weasel words like  “an amateur (insert profession)”. It’s not cute. It’s just stupid.

I realize that Islam isn’t regarded as a denomination of Christianity. Both the Islamic and the Christian people essentially agree to that.  However, I have found that in  the Qu’ran there are many references to Christ, Christians, and the One True God – and they are spoken of in a positive light.  For all intent and purpose, the Christian God and Allah are one and the same god.  Its basically a proper pronoun, and we can expect some linguistic differences.

Um, not really. Or it depends,. As it happens, Jesus is a prophet in Quran, not god, so. SO MAYBE NOT. The stuff about Islam being a denomination of Xianity though, I sort of can’t make up my mind whether it’s more stupid or more offensive (HULLO, CULTURAL APPROPRIATION).

OK, it’s more offensive:

But the point is simple. The Qu’ran validates Christianity.  It is not an opposing religion, not in the slightest, its not really even a separate religion.  At least, not as the Islamic see it.

YEAH RIGHT.

And again, this is my interpretation based on my own first-hand observations.

Also known as “bullshit” and “anecdotal evidence”.

Anyone who wishes to contradict or disprove this, I welcome the evidence as I always do.  I welcome theologically-based evidence, in this case, since historical accounts and fanaticism never count as proof to anything of a theological nature.

This means actually “only what I say counts as evidence, counts, and I only say that the stuff I agree with counts, so there”.

What I mean is, anyone who is in a position to refute would have at least read the Qu’ran, or the necessary passages to support their claims, and therefore isn’t speaking from a bigoted heart.

Just like he admits that he didn’t finish reading Quran a few paragraphs before, but that doesn’t stop him from writing bullshit about it. SHINE ON YOU DARLING JUST SHINE ON.

There is no legitimate reason why Christians, in particular, should be afraid of Islam or see it as a separate entity.  In many ways, as I see it, Islam should be adopted into Christianity as a denomination.  In fact, I would even argue that the Qu’ran should be adopted as yet another Book, to be integrated into the Biblical scriptures in much the same way that the Apocrypha or Dead Sea Scrolls should be.

YOUR BIOLOGICAL AND TECHNOLOGICAL THEOLOGICAL DISTINCTIVENESS WILL BE ADDED TO OUR OWN. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE, RESISTANCE IS FUTILE. Thus spoke the Christian Borg!

Awesome!

From his post about education, one can gather that his political views are privileged-whiney-arsehollerism:

You say that education costs money. I must disagree wholeheartedly. If I truly cared about my education, and just my education, I could pop into the public library day in and day out for the rest of my life. I can literally acquire an education equal to if not surpassing that of any doctorate level graduate – for free – simply by researching in books freely offered by the county, or the internet that is also offered freely at the library.

Yeah, only not. What you’re talking about, Cogito, is called “personal improvement”. I do realise that because of your deep vocabulary issues, you might not know what it means. Therefore, I’ll explicate it to you while being only slightly condescending.

Yes, you can read all sorts of books in your library, and you can learn all sorts of things there. However, education is not just reading books and learning. It’s also interacting with other learning people, a process which is really really fun and rewarding, if you do it right, and which helps you figure out what you’re doing well and what you should improve still. More importantly, no matter how many books you read, this isn’t something you can put into your CV and expect it to help you find a better job as much as putting “PhD, Molecular Biology” will.  Verstanden?

When I was younger I was foolish. I actually spent cold hard cash attending college, getting an education in the subjects that mattered to me… I truly attended college for the education and not for the degree… because I had that same mentality then. Unfortunately, though, I spent a lot of money taking a lot of classes that didnt even pertain to my degree path. And why? Because I wanted to learn those topics… and I did so quite well.

Cackle, cackle, snort. 100 to 1 he simply couldn’t pass his finals. Bitter much?

But while my classmates came and went, many graduated quicker than I, I came to realize that I was wasting my money on an education. An education I was already passionate enough about to learn for free on my own time, anyway. If you want to learn subjects that interest you, do it for free at the library… your passion is already there and so learning on your own accord is not a burden. I learned then that I could get the same education in the same subjects I appreciated at no cost via the library or the internet at home.

Yeah, I gathered how educated you are from your posts. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

In short, my message to Cogito Ergo Sum would be: PLEASE WRITE SOME MOAR. WE NEED ALL THE HILARITY WE CAN GET. THANK YOU <3

* Every time you say “gay”, a fundamentalist theist of some sort froths at the mouth. Let’s see how many times we can say “gay”, shall we?

** It’s sort of sad, but I really do think “LOL”.

*** This one fetishizes Spanish genocide.

**** This one fetishizes Near Eastern genocide.

**** But then, it’s most likely only because I’m gay. I said “gay”!

***** Meeeeeeeeeeeeee.

***** I then look the word up. Then I memorise it, and use it in conversation, especially if I come across a sensitive snoflake with deep vocabulary, such as Cogito Ergo Sum.

We, big-word-using-people, even have our secret handshake! You know, si augur augurem*******.

******* Or should I say “accustomed to”? *Cackles*

******* LATIN HOW MEAAAAAAAAAAAN.